A couple gets married and begins to build a life together. Then the kids come, and with them more responsibility and stress.
Dad is on the fast track to success in his career. Like so many men, he gets seduced by the idea of making it to the top of his profession.
Only one problem: As he climbs to the top, he forgets to bring his family with him. (This can, and does, happen to both men and women. But the situation I describe is what I see most often in my office.)
He builds his life around work; she builds her life around the kids.
In a manner of speaking, he has an affair with his career, and she has an affair with the kids.
The wife and children may have ``knocked on his door'' for the husband's attention but he has not been answering, sometimes for a long time.
Typically, there have been many fights over mundane things, while what the family is really searching for is a sense of connection.
By the time the pair arrive in my office, they are roommates at best, and complete strangers, or sometimes enemies, at worst. As we begin to look at what the problems are and what we can do to fix them, the inevitable, and earned, resentment comes bubbling out.
``We never see you! All you do is work, work, work. You even missed Jimmy's baseball game.''
His response: ``I can't help it! I have to provide for my family, someone has to pay for all this!''
The problem here is that a grain of truth (``I have to provide for my family'') has been taken and so twisted and bent out of shape that it is destroying the family.
What does it really mean to provide for a family?
In the simplest terms, it means to be a full and complete partner in this adventure we call family, in everything from doing dishes and giving baths to entering into your partner's emotional world.
Let's put some hands and feet on this notion of being a providing partner. It takes more than your presence. It takes full participation in all aspects of the family. Here are just a few ways in which full participation is needed:
Child rearing. Kids need both parents. This is such a simple notion, yet so profound. In everything from changing diapers to mending broken hearts, dads need to be actively involved in the nurturing of their children.
Domestic chores. It's really sort of simple, isn't it? Both people live in the house, so both should have an equally proportionate share of taking care of it. I've heard it said that real men don't do windows. Real men do whatever is necessary for the family.
Time. This is the active ingredient in nurturing children. Forget the cliche about quality time. Simply spend time together, doing something or doing nothing at all.
Planning. Joint planning for the family's future needs is a task that is easily overlooked and left to chance. But in his book ``Tender Warrior'' (Multnomah Books, $16.99), Stu Weber calls this the ``provisionary heart'' of a man. It means to look ahead and plan for the needs of the family.
Intimacy. This can still be difficult for most men. For men, intimacy gets all tangled up with sex. Sex is a part of intimacy, but only a part.
In order for a man to create an opportunity for emotional intimacy with his partner, certain needs have to be met. According to Willard Harley, author of ``His Needs, Her Needs'' the top five needs are:
1) Affection. Touch that does not necessarily lead to sex. Touch that says, ``you are important to me and I care about you.''
2) Conversation. Talking for the sake of talking can be a bonding experience for couples. The only goal is to share yourself with each other.
3) Honesty and openness. This requires trust and vulnerability. Intimacy is letting someone know who you are.
4) Financial contribution. The one so many men get stuck on.
5) Family commitment. To be there to share the toil as well as the joys.
Providing for a family is so much more than providing only material things.
As Charles Petty of Family Success Unlimited says,
``Climb the ladder of success and bring your family with you.''
The bottom line is this: No amount of professional help can make up for failure at home. So many men get caught up in the provider role that they forget to provide the most important thing - themselves.
Magnetic Pulses May Dissipate Migraine Electrical Storm
Magnets have been used for centuries to treat a variety of health problems, from joint pain to blindness to baldness. Most magnetic therapies have been discounted by conventional practitioners as unproven, at best. Now, researchers have strong evidence that electromagnetic pulses delivered to migraine sufferers in the very early stages of an attack may disrupt the brewing electrical storm in their brains and leave them pain-free..
A Few Mugs of Coffee a Day Keep the Doctor Away?
The results of two new studies published in the prestigious
Annals of Internal Medicine (http://www.annals.org/) are good news for coffee drinkers. After analyzing the records of nearly 130,000 individuals over a 20-year span, researchers concluded that it's ok to drink coffee -- even lots of it -- and it might even be good for your heart!.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects the lives of many middle-aged men and their partners. The term erectile dysfunction covers a range of disorders, but usually refers to the inability to obtain an adequate erection for satisfactory sexual activity.
Although erectile dysfunction, formerly called impotence, is more common in men older than 65, it can occur at any age. An occasional episode of erectile dysfunction happens to most men and is normal. As men age, it's also normal to experience changes in erectile function. Erections may take longer to develop, may not be as rigid or may require more direct stimulation to be achieved. Men may also notice that orgasms are less intense, the volume of ejaculate is reduced and recovery time increases between erections. Erectile dysfunction may also be a sign of a physical or emotional problem that requires treatment.
Erectile dysfunction was once a taboo subject, but more men are seeking help. Doctors are gaining a better understanding of what causes erectile dysfunction and are finding new and better treatments.
This Website discusses all about erectile dysfunction, physiology of the normal erection and the pathophysiology, and treatment of ED.
What is Erectile Dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible.
The causes may be physiological or psychological. Psychological impotence can often be helped by almost anything that the patient believes in; there is a very strong placebo effect.
Due to its embarrassing nature and the shame felt by sufferers, the subject was taboo for a long time, and is the subject of many urban legends. Folk remedies have long been advocated, with some being advertised widely since the 1930s. The introduction of perhaps the first pharmacologically effective remedy for impotence, sildenafil (trade name Viagra), in the 1990s caused a wave of public attention, propelled in part by the news-worthiness of stories about it and heavy advertising.
The Latin term impotentia coeundi describes simple inability to insert the penis into the vagina. It is now mostly replaced by more precise terms.
Signs and symptoms:
Erectile dysfunction is characterized by the inability to maintain erection. Normal erections during sleep and in the early morning suggest a psychogenic cause, while loss of these erections may signify underlying disease, often cardiovascular in origin. Other things leading to erectile dysfunction are diabetes mellitus (causing neuropathy) or hypogonadism (decreased testosterone levels due to disease affecting the testicles or the pituitary gland).
Here are some causes of Erectile Dysfunction:
* Arousal: The first step is sexual arousal, which men obtain from the senses of sight, touch, hearing and smell, and from thoughts.
* Nervous system response: The brain communicates the sexual excitation to the body's nervous system, which activates increased blood flow to the penis.
* Blood vessel response:. A relaxing action occurs in the blood vessels that supply the penis, allowing more blood to flow into the shafts that produce the erection.
Physiology of normal erections:
Penile erections involve an integration of complex physiologic processes involving the CNS, peripheral nervous system, and hormonal and vascular systems. Any abnormality involving these systems, whether from medication or disease, has a significant impact on the ability to develop and sustain an erection, ejaculate, and experience orgasm. Tumescence, the vascular filling of the cavernous bodies, relies on neural and hormonal mechanisms operating at various levels of the neural axis. This is unique among visceral functions because it requires central neurological input.
Andersson et al summarized some of the information related to the pathways involved in erectile function. The degree of contraction of corpus cavernosal smooth muscle determines the functional state of the penis. The balance between contraction and relaxation is controlled by central and peripheral factors that involve many transmitters and transmitter systems. At the cellular level, smooth muscle relaxation occurs following the release of acetylcholine from the parasympathetic nerves.
Pathophysiology of erectile dysfunction:
Erectile Dysfunction is essentially a vascular disease. It is often associated with other vascular diseases and conditions such as diabetes, hypertension, and coronary artery disease. Other conditions associated with Erectile Dysfunction include neurologic disorders, endocrinopathies, benign prostatic hyperplasia, and depression. Conditions associated with reduced nerve and endothelium function, such as aging, hypertension, smoking, hypercholesterolemia, and diabetes, alter the balance between contraction and relaxation factors. These conditions cause circulatory and structural changes in penile tissues, resulting in arterial insufficiency and defective smooth muscle relaxation. In some patients, sexual dysfunction may be the presenting symptom of these disorders.
Treatment:
Sildenafil Citrate is the way to treat Erectile Dysfunction. Generic Viagra contains sildenafil citrate and contains same ingredients like branded drug.
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